When the Authoress Loses it!
by Death's little side kick
Summary: The authoress has lost her marbles! What fate does it hold for the G-boys?
1. By the power of coffee, I AM INSANE

 Disclaimer: Go sue someone else! I don't own anything! Not even my soul!

**When the Authoress Loses It!**

**Chapter one: Prologue**

Raven is studying hard for an evil history exam, while the deadly teens make such a racket to raise one's temper up to a deadly level. Coffee will cure that!

_What the guys were doing_

"DUO GIVE ME BACK MY TOWEL" Wufei blared from the bathroom. Duo ran away waving his prized possession. Quatre looked up from his game of chess with Trowa 

"How did he get the towel" the blond asked with curiosity. Trowa just shook his head 

"They don't call him a thief for nothing" 

Heero was concentrating hard on his laptop. Who wouldn't! The braided baka was jumping on the table dancing and wielding the towel! 

"DUO!! GET OFF THE TABLE" Heero shouted, "YOU'RE GONNA…" he was interrupted by a cracking and clattering sound.

"Umm!" the pilot of 02 mused "Break my laptop?" he suggested.

"Precisely" Heero said taking out his gun and checking it for bullets.

"Hey! Who took the high caffeine content coffee" Quatre said. Running past him Duo said he hadn't taken it! 

_Back in Raven's room_

"I hate studying! I hate history! I hate this stupid exam! I hate this stupid chapter! I hate that stupid noise! I will hate it when Duo comes barging into my room for help" And with that said Duo came barging into the room seeking Raven's help.  

"HELP ME!!!" He cried, and like a blur dashed into the closet for refuge.

"WHERE IS HE!!!?" Heero shouted, also barging into the room with a glare that would put terminator to shame. Raven walks to the closet, takes out Duo, throws him at Heero, and slams door at face. 

Raven: _ *gulps coffee, with high caffeine content*

_After a few hours of dilemma and curse yelling…_

"Duo go bother someone else!" Raven replies from back of the fat history book. Coffee still keeping temper down.  But hyperactivity on the rise

"But I'm bored" Duo said his catch phrase. 

"You were bored, and look at the result" Raven said. Surly enough, Duo had been badly beaten up, but he was used to it. Shrugging, he started annoying Raven by acting like Wufei.

"Weak onna! Can't even study for a lousy test! Can't even finish a few lousy fanfics filled with injustice! The plots are unjust and are abysmal..." Duo continues on. 

Raven: _! *concentrate on work*

Wufei comes behind and heard Duo imitating him,

"You women are weak! You're rightful headquarters are in the kitchen! WEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAKKKK I tell you" Duo turns around to face Wufei.

"You have learned well Maxwell" He said with a smirk. They both start to harass Raven.

"Can't you finish at least one crappy fanfiction?" Wufei cried.

"Oh you write it if you're so smart" Raven replies. "Besides! I have a test to study for scholar boy!"

"Now really! He's right! You've got lots of fanfiction to finish up" Duo said talking up Wufei's side.

Quatre enters and looks over to my laptop "Miss Raven you really need to work on your fan fictions"

Raven's arms are twitching wildly and continue to drink coffee. The rest keep on nagging her to write her fanfiction!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHUT UPPP" Raven shouted hyperventilating, twitching all over, near brink of madness.

"So!" Duo said breaking to silence "Are you gonna finish or what?" 

That was the last straw.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DESTROY THE COLONIESSSSS, TAKE OVER THE EARTH, KILL RELENA!!!!!!!!!" 

The G-boys just stare at the authoress who has gone insane and starts to break things and act like a plain lunatic. 

"Should we be scared?" Duo asked.

To be continued…

What will the poor boys do now that the author is on the loose! Have a try at writing fan fiction's?  


	2. When the Authoress is away the Gboys wil...

**When authoress loses it!**

**Chapter two: When the Authoress is away, the boys will pay!**

The boys are looking relaxed as they sit in Quatre's comfy couch which is too comfy as most of them were dozing off leaving Raven to wreak havoc in the world. 

"Well!" Duo asked,

"Well what?" Heero replied.

"Should we be scared or not" Duo answered.

"Don't tell me you're still musing over that" Wufei said.

"Well! I was musing over that" Duo retorted. After a while again the silence was broken because of that constant jabbering mouth of the braided pilot. 

"What if she gets to the Gundam?" He asked.

"Ahh…" 

"Well…"

"We're safe as long as she doesn't encounter the Zero system" Heero said, silence prevails. Outside the insane authoress was running around in circles imitating a chicken singing "Chicken train! Runnin' all day! Chicken train! Runnin' all day, I can't get on, I can't get off, and chicken train takes all your chickens away"

Heero: .

Heero highly irritated by that song opens the window, grabs a vase and whacks the poor girl with it! Relaxing a little goes back and sits down. After a while a loud laugh can be heard, more or less resembling Quatre's psychotic laugh in episode 21. 

"MWHAHAHAHAH! THEY WILL NEVER FORGET THIS DAY!"

Duo looked outside the window and asked "Heero did she by some chance gone…"

"ACK! I'M HALLUCINATING!! SO MANY HISTORY PAPERS!!"

"Never mind" He said.

"Okay! So now that she has gone Zero, whose gonna write the fan fictions?" Quatre asked. Again, silence. Heero sighing and getting up said "We will".

Going over to that sacred chair of the authoress, he settled down and opened MS word.

"What type of fan fictions does she write anyway?" Trowa asked.

"Humor! What she doesn't know is that she has a dry sense of humor" He said.

"Heero! You also have a dry sense of humor, so how do you plan on writing a humor fic?" Duo asked. Silence is everywhere, lone weed tumbles by, wolves howl at the moon, then…

"I AM GOING TO WRITE THAT FIC AND THAT'S FINAL YOU BAKA" Heero cried heaving his fist at him, the braided one had left him thinking like no one else. He didn't write humor, so what could he write about. Finally he started to type…

_Disclaimer: We own ourselves, sue us, and we'll skin you alive and make sure you go to the lowest spot on the food chain._

_Heero sat in the class while the teacher was jabbing and the American complaining with poor Quatre listening. Trowa and Wufei were just being Trowa and Wufei._

"What the hell are you writing about?" Wufei cried. "And what do you mean by me being me?"

"I'm writing chapter 7 of "What happens when you send Gundam pilots to school", and what I mean by you being you is you being you!" Heero snapped.

"I'm lost" Wufei said to Trowa.

"Hnn" Heero grunted getting back to what he was doing after being **RUDELY** interrupted 

_He couldn't believe that he was stuck in detention all because they decided to have a pillow fight! The stupid braided baka, this was his entire fault._

"HELLO??!!" Duo interjected "I THINK IT WAS YOU WHO…………..oh! Wait it was my fault" he mused 

_Now the poor boys save Heero were near tears because they were in detention with a Japanese teacher talking and talking and talking. Quatre ashamed because he did something wrong, in other words he was just being a regular wuss._

Quatre: HEY!!

(Author switch: Heero gets kicked off chair)

_Then there was Shinigami who was the bravest off them all, Heero was staring into empty space while Wufei was blabbing about the injustice, and Quatre weeping puddles of tear. _  
  


(Author switch again)

_What Wufei –the greatest pilot in the history of pilots was babbling about was not just mere babble, it was more than that……_

(Author switch)

_It was a moronic preaching of justice and peace, since he is a wuss too, the only one who talked sense was Duo Maxwell- Shinigami himself. _

(Author switch)

_All Duo ever talked about was just stuff relating to other people and their love relations…_

(Author switch)

_For example that weak Zechs Marquise and that pathetic Trieze Khushrenada_ _who didn't even know how to be a loser; both were a perfect couple as they both were fancy-pansy, weak rose bathing wusses. Even Lady Une caught them doing unmoral stuff in his Excellency's office._

Quatre: WUFEI!! STICK TO THE PLOT!! YOU"RE WORSE THAN DUO

_They were indeed the great geeks and weaklings themselves. The Gundam pilots were in reality their idols and the stupid weaklings stole their battle techniques to show off in front of their soldiers to set good examples. But the best amongst them all was…_

 (Author switch)

_Quatre Raberba Winner who strived to get all the others to live peacefully…_

All: HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA *cough hack*HAHAHHAHAHAHHA

(Author switch)

_But the blond failed miserably as the others showed zest and zeal in blowing up stuff, so he just sat back and clucked like a mother hen. The real man here was Trowa Barton! Even if he didn't talk much he had a working brain and while in the class the others dozed off into oblivion, the uni-banged, stoic man thought and thought. It is true though that the silent ones do things the flashiest way…_

(Author switch, through majority vote)

_But that day Trowa's cerebrum fused and refused to work so it was up to Duo to save the day…_

(Author switch)

_And ruin everyone else's precious lives. Of course the real man there was none other than Heero Yuy himself; just like a flash of lightening he zipped out the room to hatch his plan…_

(Author switch: Duo kicks Heero off chair)

_But the Japanese tripped over his laces and got caught by the principle and was dragged by his collar to the principle's room. Now it was up to Duo to do something. Taking out the fire crackers he had hidden in his beautiful hair, as quietly as a mouse, he sneaked beneath the tables and tied the fire crackers around the teacher's shoes. He lighted them and BOOM……came the explosion _

(Author switch)

_The baka had set fire to the shoes and the poor teacher was doing the rain dance, Quatre (the bravest of all) took out the fire extinguisher and put out the fire._

(Author switch)

_But the wuss caught fire himself and started jumping around like a bunny rabbit. Wufei the real hero helped the wuss to get rid of the fire, by that time they slipped out of the room……………………._

Quatre: KISAMMA WUFEI!!!!

Wufei: O_O He cursed!! 

(Author switch: Heero back in action)

_Only to be caught by the devil principle himself again, this time while in the office, Heero had installed a detonation device, just as the door got near BOOOMMMMMMM, big explosion, Heero grabbing all the pilots by their collars ran out of the academy back to a place where people could talk English. So in the end as they boarded the jeep "borrowed from OZ" Heero said "Mission complete, returning to base" he said in a cool way making all his fan girls scream._

_The End_

Heero saved the file; spell checked it and posted it. After a while…someone reviewed 

"What does it say! What does it say?" Quatre asked with excitement.

The review:

_You guys suck! _

"………!………,…!……,…,…!…,…!……,……!!!!…,…!!.." Trowa said.

"Translation please" Duo said, but Quatre just shook his head and stared in disbelief at Trowa.

"Trowa" Quatre said in shock "Mind your language"

"That's it! That damn authoress had a nice ramble, and we're gonna get her back" Heero said angrily and murmuring something like 'after I kill the damned reviewer'

Well that's it for chappie two! How will they get to the crazy authoress, big revenge maybe for humiliating themselves? Those of you who like this chapter seven, should we the pilots really put it on as chap 7 of What happens when you send Gundam Pilots To School?


	3. Fetching the Authoress

"I simply refuse to write any more fanfiction" Duo said with crossed arms.

"Amen to that! You literally blew up the last chapter" Heero said re-reading the review. 

"Oh look whose talking" Duo snapped.

**When The Authoress Loses It!**

**Chapter three: Fetching the Authoress**

_Far Away_

_Raven stands at the edge of a cliff facing the sank kingdom! She pushes one button and the whole of Relena and Dorothy's headquarters' of stalkers blow up into smithereens._

_Raven: MWAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAH!! I WILL RULE THE WORLD!! _

"Hey guys! Raven just assassinated Relena and Dorothy" Trowa said.

Everyone: HURRAYY!!!

Raven appears on screen "people of earth, I am Raven, and I have taken over the Sank kingdom, I hereby declare war over the colonies, Why you ask? No apparent reason! I just want to pick up a good fight! AND RULE THE WORLD!!MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!"

"Okay! Now I guess we really have to do something" Duo said making himself some coffee

"I agree" Heero. "There's no telling what she might do considering you two have the same IQ level"

"Finally someone agrees with me" Wufei sighed.

"She really needs to work on her speeches" Quatre said thoughtfully.

"QUATRE!"  Duo yelled "We have a MAJOR problem here and all you can think of is speeches"

"At least they aren't as boring as Relena's" Heero said.

"Good point, we better get going now" Quatre replied.

"TO THE GUNDAMS" Quatre said dramatically while Trowa and Wufei trailed behind leaving Heero having to drag Duo behind who was finishing his coffee.

****

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this can be a problem" Trowa said

"Not just a problem Barton! BIG problem" Wufei said staring at the empty space between Wing Zero and Heavyarms. That space should have been occupied by Deathscythe.

"Raven has an awful taste in Gundams, she should have chosen Nataku" Wufei said.

"YOU IDIOT!! WE A HAVE A PROBLEM COMING UP AND ALL YOU THINK OF IS YOUR OVERSIZED EGO" Quatre yelled.

"We've got to distract him" Trowa said. "Somehow" he added sheepishly. 

"ITAI!! HEERO QUIT PULLING MY BRAID!! IM COMING"

"Everyone out the hanger NOW" Quatre yelled?

"Baka!" Duo growled throwing a dirty look towards Heero who went ahead towards the hanger, "Hey what are you guys doing outside the hanger" Duo said looking at the other four who were standing in a line army style as if Lady Une was coming to inspect them, not to mention sheepishly grinning.

"Someone, say something" Trowa said through gritted teeth.

"DUO!! HI! HOW ARE YA PAL?" Wufei said as if spotting Duo just now "LONG TIME NO SEE!!" he said slapping Duo on the shoulder, "You see we have no need of the Gundams right now so we are using the car!"

"WHOA! Wu-man you alright" Duo said astonished by his sudden change in behavior.

"ME! Never been better" Wufei said putting an arm round Duo's shoulder.

"Hey! Where's Deathscythe?!" Heero said from inside the hanger. And these words rang into Duo's ears, repeating, repeating and repeating.

"Oh! Shit" The others said [big sweat drops appearing] Heero came out to see what caused the sudden silence, he turned to see the other pilots frozen in their tracks, while Duo's brain was interpreting what Heero he said.

"What?" Heero asked looking around. But Quatre just mouthed the words 'you are sooo gonna pay for this'

*****

"Now Duo calm down, I'm sure your buddy is okay" Wufei said assuring him.

"CALM DOWN? WHILE A GOOD FOR NOTHING AUTHORESS HAS MY GUNDAM! ARE YOU INSANE???AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" He bellowed tearing his hair out of their roots. In the background Quatre had Heero pinned to the ground while the others beat the crap out of him. 

"HEERO YOU MANIAC, THIS IS GOING TO LAST FOREVER" Quatre yelled at the shocked and pinned pilot.

"How was I supposed to know what you guys were doing!!??" Heero said.

"YOU"RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW" Quatre shouted "YOU ARE THE PERFECT SOLDIER"

"Well I'm not a mind reader" Heero said as he tried to get Quatre off of him.

*****

_Elsewhere_

Raven makes her way to the white house and became the current president since the people liked her so much (and because she threatened them with Heero's buster rifle) she made this statement, 

(J.A: THIS IS AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE, REMEMBER, and the places are jumbled up) 

"People of the pitiful planet earth, I am the new ruler of the earth's sphere as Relena took a hike and retired, I have made some alterations in world law and order. Fail to obey them then Omae o korosu (death glare ©). First of all, all examination for anything are abolished, all monthly assessments in schools are abolished, and school principles should not be over 16 or less, it is by law now that everyone should have at least five cups of coffee a day, lawyers should find a different thing to sue instead of innocent authors and authoresses so that they would not have to continuously write the damned disclaimer stuff and waste energy and precious time, people who have freaky cockroach like eyebrows will be immediately taken to jail as a reminder to get their eyebrows made. Gambling is now legal, but restrictions over alcohol will stay, and finally, stress over having to study will not be necessary because on second thought, schools are abolished from now. Sporting and other curriculum activities though will continue, ROCK ON PEOPLE"

All the children in the world cheer at hearing schools are finished and they won't have to study no more. So that now the TV's are off and people are off to enjoy life.

Raven sits back in the comfy chair when the door bursts open and in comes a VERY angry Duo followed by the others.

"YOU" Duo said filled with uncontrollable rage.

"Okay Raven just come on back quietly with us" Quatre said.

"Like that'll work" Raven says.

"Yeah Quatre that was lame" Trowa said. The blond just shrugged.

"YOU!!!" Duo shouted.

"Me???!!!" Raven asked.

"I think that point is cleared" Duo said calmly, but it lasted for a minute.

"WHERE IN HELL IS DEATHSCYTHE" He blared.

"Why are you asking me if you know its in hell, go check there?" Raven remarked cheekily. This flared up the God of death even more, losing his Gundam was bad enough, but getting sarcastic remarks from the insane Raven, and that too a GIRL was beyond anger. The others backed a little as Duo was radiating heat waves, you could see the steam coming out too.

"WHY YOU LITTLE F _ _ _ _ _ _! M _ _ _ _ _ _!! PIECE OF _ _ _ _!!!!!" He shouted, Quatre meanwhile had fainted because of all the swearing.

"I'LL TEAR YOU APART!!" Duo again shouted.

"You'll never catch me alive!!" Raven said more like Mr. Burns in the Simpson's, and with that she jumped out the window of a ten storey building, rope still attached to the desk. Duo sighed at the authoress's stupidity and "borrowed" Heero's gun and shot the rope. From outside you could hear the following:

"OWW!! OWW!! D_ _ _! That HURTS!! OW! EEP UGH!! (Crack! Snap!) OWWWWW!! MY LEGG!! STUPID GUNDAM JUST HAD TO BE IN THE WAY OF MY F_ _ _ _ _ _ FALL!! OWWW!!" Howled Raven from outside, all broken and battered by the fall. Inside the building, everyone stared at Duo in awe, Quatre was still unconscious.

"Well," he began "Mission accomplished, now to get my dear Deathscythe"

_On the road to home…_

"Hey guys thanks for bringing me back to my sane self" Raven said as they carried her home. "I promise I'll never drink coffee again"

"Amen to that" The other four pilots said together. Duo had decided to come back in Deathscythe. Not much of a surprise.

"You know, I really need to go to the hospital" She said feeling the broken bones. They others just grinned, most prominent smile was of Heero. Realizing the cause of why they were smiling Raven exclaimed horrified,

"YOU WOULDN'T!!!???       " 

"Oh yes we would" They said together. 

_Back at home…_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! STOPPPPPPPPP!!!" Raven cried as Heero popped her arm back into the joint. Duo was in the garage spending "quality time" with his beloved Gundam. 

"No more caffeine for you" Quatre said locking up the last reserves of Coffee.

"Yeah! Yeah! No need to convince me!" Raven said in pain as Heero bandaged one arm. Only two more legs and one more arm to go!

"I hate you people" Raven sniffed! 

_The History Exam_

"Okay children" The teacher said. "You may begin the paper…now"

Raven turned the paper around and was shocked looking at it!

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS" Raven yelled making the teacher jump!

"That my dear" she said controlling her anger "Is your Biology exam"

"But today was supposed to be History!!??" Raven said shocked and in panic.

"Perhaps if you read the date sheet my dear, you would have seen that History was on 2nd June, your last paper, and not 17th May, your first exam"

 Raven: O_O 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" She yelled. 

_Far away!_

*Snicker! Snicker!*

"Poor girl" Duo said. The G-boys were watching this scene as they had planted micro cameras in the class room for who knows what purpose!

"But Heero it was really mean of you to change her date sheet" Quatre said concerned.

"I still will show no remorse" Heero said smirking, "I enjoy her misery"

"Whatever, she will extract her revenge out you know" Quatre said.

"I know" Heero said still calm as he watched the authoress throw a tantrum. Quatre looked around to see that nobody was sympathizing with Raven so he gave up and asked,

"Does anyone want popcorns?"

The end!

Raven: Do you want to know the revenge? If yes please state so in REVEIWS!!! 


End file.
